An Emotional Sunday

Alright so I graduate in like 7 weeks. I have been having a very difficult time with finding any excitement in my upcoming graduation. It took me a while to figure out what the heck was wrong with me and now I know. It all came through a tearful Sunday. I couldn't figure out why I was so emotional as it was not time for PMS yet I just needed to cry. So in order to avoid questions from my housemates I hoped in the shower, blasted music so loud that the world around me would be drowned out and sat in the bottom of the shower floor and cried until I felt better. So what the heck is my problem? Well, all I have known for so long is being a student/mother/wife. It is so quickly coming to and end and I am unsure of what my future will hold and just how many changes will be coming down the line. Do I even know who my children are anymore? Then to add to it, this summer it seems as though I lost a VERY important relationship in my life. I have wanted many times to pick up the phone and call because I have good news or just to share my life as I had for the previous five years but all I understand is that because my son was SO disrespectful and I was too blind to see it I was thrown away. It still hurts worse than I wish it would. I was told that time heals all wounds but this one is not healing and I wanted nothing more than to graduate with thid person there because I found so much support/love/reality/truth with them. So as I cried yesterday I couldn't get the picture out of my head of the last time I saw them and just how freakin painful it still is and how I will graduate without them there. It dampens my excitement and at times I could hardly care that I am graduating and yet for eveybody else that has supported me I should try to find that excitement inspite of it. It is just really difficult. So this is my rant...I am sorry for talking in so much "code" but the name of the person I am talking about is not for others to know just to tell you how I am feeling. "k"