Call me committed

About 2 weeks ago I started Nursing 5. This class was supposed to be a "walk in the park". It is "Mental Health Nursing". It has proven to be a hard class for me because of my past. It amazes me how you can work so hard to get passed stuff but something small can take you right back to the place you tried to leave behind you. I am okay now but it took me about two weeks to get there. I think I just had to get into the clinical setting to see how I would handle it. Thankfully I am really intrigued by the patients and their variety of mental illnesses. I was told that County Mental Health was like the ICU for the mentally ill. Boy is it ever! A couple of patients really amazed me with their level of illness. I never in my life was this bad and I am thankful that I have been spared from the mental illness that runs in my blood lines. Apparently the age 24 is the golden age. There is one patient there with 2 degrees and she had a psychotic break and will never come back from it. Her life has been literally destroyed by her brain. If you think about it is can really take you down a notch and make you very thankful that you are functional in society. There are WAY TO MANY that can not function in society. These poor people are called the throwaway children. Mainly because society does not want to deal with them. Do you know what I see the most in them? Fear. They are afraid of so much and it varies from patient to patient. The empathy I feel for them is intense but I have to maintain my boundaries and realize that I am there to help not heal. God knows I wish I could. The hardest part of Nursing is knowing that there is no way you can save everybody and that some must and will die and some are so Broken that they will never be whole again. Abusive parents should be locked up in units like I am in because in talking to the patients most of them lived under child abuse from a parent that was supposed to love them and protect them. They need to see what they are doing to their children. I know wishful thinking as if they might change huh? Oh well I could Babel on and on about this. I hope all is well with those that make it this way to read this. BUH BYE!!!